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Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Focusing on You
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1Be confident. You’ve got to show this person how awesome you are, but first you need to know how awesome you are. Build up your self confidence if it’s sorely lacking. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to be loud, boisterous, arrogant, chatty, or forward. It just means getting to a place where you feel comfortable in your own skin.[1]
- You can be secure, sweet and humble all at the same time. But be prepared to come out of your shell. Guys like confident, interesting people who lead their own lives.
- The only guys who like insecure people are the ones who are insecure themselves and want to dominate another human being. And who wants to be with a guy who wants a person to feel bad about themselves, or who wants to tell you how to be all the time? That’s not healthy, and you deserve much better.[2]
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2Look your best. Without being fake, make an effort to look your best around the guy you like. Guys are visual creatures so looking your best will simply spin the odds in your favor. But most importantly, when you look your best you’ll feel your best – giving you the confidence you need to let your awesome personality shine through.[3]
- A little make-up can go a long way. You don’t need to color-by-number your face, but mascara opens up your eyes, lip-balm enhances your smile, concealer can cover any small insecurities, and tweezers could really help nightmare eyebrows. Just wear what you are comfortable with.
- Dress in clothes you feel comfortable in. Don’t squeeze yourself into a body-con skirt or tight jeans if that’s not your usual style. A well-fitting pair of pants and a top that brings out the color of your eyes is a safe but striking combo.
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Smile a lot – research has found that people become more attractive to others when they smile, so flash those pearly whites as often as possible to look prettier, as well as friendlier and more approachable.[4]
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3Make your presence known. A guy can’t fancy you if he doesn’t know you exist. If you haven’t caught his eye yet, then get him to notice you. Make sure you show a little interest and drop small hints that you like him.- Most guys won’t ask you out because they’re afraid of getting shot down. You’ve got to walk before you run, right? Say “Hi”. Say “Good-bye”. Give a little wave. When he reciprocates, you’ll know that you have his attention.
- Introduce yourself somehow and make conversation. It’s nearly impossible for someone to like you if he doesn’t get to know you, unless he “likes” you for all the wrong reasons.
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4Have a good sense of humor. Having a good sense of humor makes everything better. This doesn’t mean you should be a giggling fool, laughing at everything that crosses your path, but you should try not to take yourself too seriously and always be ready with a laugh, especially when your crush is around.- If you’re too serious or straight-faced all the time, he may find you intimidating and unapproachable, which is the last thing you want.
- Express your sense of humor in your own way. Some people are witty and sarcastic, others can tell hilarious stories, and many people just do quirky things and poke fun at themselves.
- No matter what tickles your sense of humor, it’s much easier to like someone who you can have a good laugh with once in a while. If you don’t find something to laugh about together, then maybe you’ll discover that you don’t like him after all!
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5Make it clear you’re available. A guy is not going to hit on you if he thinks you’re taken, so it’s your job to make it clear that you are single and ready to mingle.- If you have a Facebook account and he’s not already in your friends list, invite him; just make sure your status is set as single!
- You should also make it obvious in other subtle ways, such as hanging out with your friends in a place where you know he’ll be, dropping subtle hints about not knowing who to go with to an event, etc.
- Letting your friends in on the situation is probably a good idea – they can help strategize to get the two of you together, and also diffuse any awkward situations. They also know where you stand on the relationship front and won’t start falling for him themselves.
Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Getting to Know One Another
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1Don’t be afraid to be his friend. Being a guy’s friend first gives you two great benefits: he gets to know you and you get to know him, without the awkwardness of being in a dedicated relationship.[5]
Treat him like you would all your other friends – be casual and comfortable around him.- Guys will usually be more open with guys than girls, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get close to him as a girl- that’s usually where the magic happens.
- Just be careful though – if it gets too platonic, you might lose the romantic connection and sometimes it can be really hard to get back that spark once you are placed firmly in the friend-zone.
- If this happens, things can become too complicated and you might be tempted to give up. A little bit of flirtation throughout the relationship will keep things going nicely.
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2Talk to him. This may seem like a no-brainer, but actually talking to the guy you like (rather than pining after him from afar) is of utmost importance when it comes to getting him to like you.- Ask him stimulating, interesting questions; find out about his life, his family, his friends; tell him funny stories. Anything that opens up a dialogue between the two of you.
- If you can get the guy talking about something he’s really passionate about – whether it’s a favorite sports team, band, author – then you’re on to a winner. When he’s talking to you about something he loves, he’ll start to associate the positive emotions he feels with you!
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3Compliment him. Though this may come as surprise, guys love compliments just as much as other people do, so don’t be afraid to say something nice to him from time to time. Of course, showering him with fake compliments is not a good idea – you’ll just come off as insincere.- Compliment something about his appearance, like his cute dimples or cool new haircut. Just don’t overdo it – guys can be shy about that sort of thing. A simple “I love the color of your eyes” is all you need to say.
- However, compliments don’t just need to be focused on appearance. If he’s talking about something that he loves, tell him that you admire how passionate he is. You can also compliment his sporting performance or tell him what a great job he did on a class project.[6]
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4Do things together. Finding activities that you can enjoy together can really create a bond between the two of you and allow him to appreciate how fun and interesting you are. Once he sees that you’re someone he can share his passions and interests with, he might start to see you as potential relationship material.[7]
- If he thinks of himself as the next premier league player, turn up at any football practices you’re invited to and cheer him on. If he loves rock-climbing, ask him if he can show you how, and make a good-faith effort to see why he’s so into it. Have an open mind.
- You can also invite him along to experience some of your interests. For instance, you could bring him along to a dance class or invite him to try out some unusual ethnic cuisine. Discovering that you’re a person who can introduce him to new and exciting experiences can be a major attraction for a guy.
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5Find some common interests. Find out what the two of you have in common and exploit it! Shared interests are the foundation of many a successful relationship, so this step should not be overlooked.[8]
- It doesn’t matter what the interest is, it could be as simple as the ability to recite lines from Family Guy episodes or as intense as a fascination with astrophysics – as long as it leads him to see you as a kindred spirit.
- For example, If you both love a certain kind of music, ask him if he’s ever listened to a particular artist and offer to play a CD for him. Or if a mutual favorite band comes to town, invite him to go with you.
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6Get to know his friends. Most guys love to be around their friends, so it’s essential that any potential friend gets along with them. For this reason, it is extremely worth your time to get to know his friends and let them see you as a cool person. This will let the guy see how easily you could slip into his life – no complications, no drama.- If you can get his friends on your team, that’s a major bonus. They will root for you and bring you up around your crush, even when you’re not there. This will ensure that you’re always on his mind.
- Be careful though. You don’t want to flirt with his friends. This will send conflicting signals and may make you seem like a tease.
Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Making the Next Move
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1Be flirty. Once the two of you have got to know one another and are frequently hanging out, you can start to kick things up a gear. Show the guy that you’re interested in being more than just friends by flirting with him – it might be just the sign he’s been waiting for to ask you out.[9]
- Smile. Make sure to smile whenever you see the guy – this lets him know that you’re happy to see him. Even if he’s in a group of people, reserve the biggest smile for him.
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Make eye contact. Making eye contact is an essential flirting technique. One great tip is to look at him from across the room, then once he catches you looking hold his gaze for a moment before smiling and looking away. He’ll be hooked.[10]
- Make physical contact. Another great flirting technique is to touch the guy in a more-than-friends kinda way. Lightly brush his arm when you’re talking, give him a hug when you greet him, or gently mess his hair when you’re joking around. This will give him the “I’m interested” vibe pretty quickly.
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2Text him. If you have his number (if you don’t, you should ask for it) you can text him things throughout the day to let him know you’re thinking of him. You can send funny or flirty texts and if he replies with the same, you’ll know you’re on the right track.- For example, if he has a sports game or exam coming up, you could text to wish him good luck. He’ll hopefully find this sweet and appreciate the fact that you remembered.
- However, you should also be sure not to overdo it. Remember the rule: if you send two consecutive texts without getting a reply, you should stop texting. It needs to be reciprocal.
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3Invite him to hang out. If the two of you have only been hanging out in group situations or in more formal settings (like school or work) until now, it might be time to invite him somewhere on his own. It doesn’t need to be a three-course dinner in a fancy restaurant; it could be something as simple as coffee or the mall.- If he says yes, that’s a pretty sure indication that he’s interested in you, or at least that he really enjoys your company. Take it as a positive sign and enjoy it. Just try not to let things get awkward – you’re just two friends having a good time, right?
- If he says no, don’t freak out too much. He may genuinely have another commitment, or he may just feel too shy around you to hang out one-on-one. Give it some more time, then try again. If he says no a second time, you might have to face the fact that he’s not interested.
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4Tell him you’re interested. At the end of the day, there’s only so much waiting around and hoping you can do. Sometimes your best bet is to tell the guy that you’re interested and ask him if he feels the same. Whatever his response is, at least things will be out in the open and you can either move forward with the relationship or move on.- Don’t believe the hype about guys having to ask girls out. In reality, guys love strong, confident people who know what they want. In fact, just the fact that you had the courage to ask might be enough to impress the guy and make him say yes.
- Never get someone else to ask a guy out for you. It is immature and will increase the chances of the guy saying no. Even if you’re too shy to ask him to his face, a text message or handwritten note will be much more effective than the “send a friend” method.
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5Have patience. These things take time. You can’t force someone to like you, and trying to hurry things up can ruin the courtship altogether. Give him some space and don’t be obsessive. Let things progress at a natural pace, or fade out of natural causes.- Eventually he’ll tell you one way or another whether or not he’s interested in reciprocating your affection. And if he’s not, don’t hang around him like a lost puppy. Sometimes you might be incompatible in ways that you don’t see, and sometimes a guy just isn’t ready for a long term relationship.
- If this is the case, don’t waste any time in moving on! Don’t take rejection too personally. It happens to everyone at one time or another.
- There are plenty more fish in the sea and as long as you have confidence in yourself, you know that you’re a good catch and the right guy is out there waiting for you.
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6Take his feelings into account. Finally, but importantly, keep in mind that you cannot control what other people think and do. He may be the object of your interest, but that does not create any obligation that you be an intimate part of his world.- Turn the situation around. If there was some random guy who took an interest in you, is there anything that he could do to make you like him? Probably not.
- The reality is that you will either like him that way, or you won’t. You will find him attractive or not. You will find him funny or not. All he can do is try to be the best person he can be, and hope that you agree.
- The reverse is also true. Be the best person you can be, and let it develop––or not––from there.
Video
Tips
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If there is no sign of him being interested in you, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he isn’t interested. He could just be shy, or be a little frightened, especially if he hasn’t dated anyone for a long time, or if it’s their first time. Be patient, but don’t badger him; simply let him know the door’s still open if he should be bold enough to call by.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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Don’t talk about your other prospective guys with the guy you’re interested in. While you might think it’s a way of showing just how “in demand” you are, it’s suggestive that you’re shallow and easily misled, not something that any person looking for a long-term relationship would feel sound about. Frankly, it’s just not good form, and it’s a good way to get rid of him.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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Act kindly to this guy, but don’t go overboard by smothering him or being demanding.⧼thumbs_response⧽
Warnings
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Trying too hard to “get” a specific person to like you can be manipulative, something that no one finds attractive or wants to be the object of. Keep an open mind. That cute junior who keeps smiling at you in class might be The One, if your current ambitions are proving disappointing. In regards to Mr. Right, the words of Maya Angelou “…hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and take anything in between”. You will find him, and when he comes, don’t expect a noble steed and a knight in shining armor, but a pick-up truck and Dave Smith. He’ll never be perfect, but he’ll be good.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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Never play mind games or send mixed signals. This confuses the guy and has tons of potential for embarrassment. It’s not a sign of cleverness––it’s a sign of insecurity and lack of courage.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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Don’t just burst out saying you like him, or he might not take you seriously. Take some time, get to know him properly first.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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If you have told your friends about him and they pester after him with questions, tell them firmly they need to stop – and if they don’t, try to ignore them when they bring him up in conversation. When it comes to him, just play it off as your friends being immature and you being more mature than that. He’ll like seeing that you aren’t acting like a giggly eight year-old, just like your friends are.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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Don’t confuse kindness with him liking you. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference, but be attentive and you’ll figure it out. If you’ve just come out of a bad relationship, some guys, especially ones much older than you, take up the “big brother” role. They then see the relationship as completely platonic, which means that forever after any romantic relationship will be messed up.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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Try not to make it too obvious, meaning don’t bring up too many things about yourself in conversation. While you’re talking, don’t be shy enough to ask him a few questions. Be careful what you say to him, as saying the wrong thing may lead to a very awkward moment.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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A recruiting others to play “Cupid” or “Matchmaker” for you. This will result in your peers pressuring said man (especially if the man is known to be an eligible bachelor) to “at least take a look”, “at least ask them out for coffee” or “what’s wrong with them? Give them a chance”. Often, this is done without directly revealing that the person in question is indeed interested, only that they are available. Frequently, this tactic is used to avoid having to make the first move yourself and risking rejection. If you see someone you like, make a move, and don’t involve half a dozen other people who will probably arbitrarily judge him based on his reaction. The man will actually appreciate your doing it discretely instead of making him the center of gossip.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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If your friends aren’t the most mature, the best thing to do is to not tell them about him. They will immediately start staring at him and giggling in his presence. They may even start chatting and so on. No matter what you say to them, they will look at him. The worst case scenario is when your friends go off on their own and start pestering the guy with a whole lot of questions that all sound a lot like “What do you think of Sam?”. This will send him packing.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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If these steps work a little too well and he comes on too strong, let him know to take it easy and don’t do anything you feel uncomfortable with.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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Avoid over-reliance on sarcasm and snark based humor. This type of humor is not universally appreciated and it is highly perceived that “sarcasm is the lowest form of humor”. Also, sarcasm is frequently associated with insecurity and passive aggressiveness. The fact that this form of humor is inherently at some one else’s expense means that it’s not the best way to introduce yourself. Also, remember that because sarcasm depends on tone and delivery, it is not very effective in print and could potentially be taken seriously.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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Don’t make it really obvious that you like him – even a perfectly “nice” boy can take advantage of you.⧼thumbs_response⧽
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